Uncle Fester approached us in an abrupt manner against our wishes. He flung his clam hands on each of our backs as he exclaimed, “You’re both soooooooo beautiful!” He ranted on about Johnny Walker’s house party as if he were the captain of the football team and we were back in our junior year in high school and the party was going to be the highlight of our diaries. Ummm… FYI, you are not the captain and my panties will not be dropped without my permission and definitely not for some STUPID house party. You were in fact doing okay as you had no lame pick-up lines until your “brother” walked up and busted my right ear drum. He screeched like a little boy in his awkward stage of puberty and I had to spend the rest of the night making sure there was no blood oozing out of my right ear. He could seriously ruin any type of game you “might” have going. He is a horrible side-kick and should be hog-tied and kept in the trunk of the car until a DD is needed. Telling people he is your real brother is a bad idea because he makes you look like an asshole and society as a whole will eventually choose to ban you and refuse to accept you into the human race.
Oh and BTW, You definitely lost the .0034% of respect we pretended to have for you when you peed outside of the door at the car. Talk about inappropriate. No one wants to hear your pee hitting the asphalt as you hold your chub in one hand and wave bye with the other one. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit writing about this.
Wednesday is the day that Tammy and Mikey always come up to my work to have some cocktails. They stayed later than usual and were still there when I got off. Not seeing Tammy in a couple of weeks I decided to stay and have a drink to socialize for a little bit before going home and cooking dinner. I think it was Tammy that suggested getting a pizza delivered to the bar and I of course was unable to turn down my favorite food. After eating the first piece I was already filling up since the slices are on steroids when Tammy presented me with what you could call a “dare.” If I could eat 2 pieces at once she would get me a shot. How could I turn that down? Barely accomplishing the task at hand we all got a shot followed by another drink. Now I had wanted to go home but was having fun with my friends.
Talk about a sore vagina. My vagina and butt bones are in so much pain it hurts to just sit. I have decided that the mechanical riding-bull and my lower region do not get along and I don’t think the bruises will ever go away.
I’m not going to lie, there are some manly looking woman that show up to ladies night. I don’t come in until 10pm but 4 hours is way too long to be exposed to them. They are the epitome of trash and I hate having to be anywhere near them. The reason I can’t stand them is because they are there all night sucking down the free drinks without EVER tipping. That irritates the shit out of me…you can’t even fork over a $1? They expect top service just because they’re in there all the time. Go to hell! We don’t even like your stank asses!!
at this point. Apparently she thinks I’m incapable of pouring her vodka and cranberry. I walk away to serve the rest of the people waiting to get their drinks made as she throws a fit and shakes her glass in the air. Ummm, did she just forget that she told me she wanted Matt to make her drink? I always aim to please my guests so I told her, “I guess you’re going to have to wait for him to come back behind the bar.”
I think that dip, chewing tobacco, is one of the most disgusting habits someone can have. I constantly am getting guys who are asking me for plastic cups. It doesn’t take me long to realize what it is they want it for. Today there was one that asked for a cup and I said “Is it for a spit cup?” He replied, “Yes!” I simply said, “That is so gross, I don’t get why people do that?!” In return he lifted his left hand, showed it to me and pointed to his ring finger which had a wedding ring on. Um, where in that conversation did I say I wanted you, you were hot, let’s go out….oh wait, I didn’t. He was sadly mistaken. I quickly responded with, “Um, why are you showing me your ring? I don’t care about you personally, I’m speaking in general.”
I think I had every bum, crackhead, hobo, heroin addict and homeless person come into my bar today. They are dirty, they smell, are always drunk and high and they drive me up the wall considering they don’t tip. I DON’T GET IT! If you have to live off government money, then you don’t need to be in the bar drinking. You’re the trashiest people I’ve ever seen and you need to use the money that comes out of MY pocket and buy a bar of soap you nasty, stank swine’s…you make me sick! Keep your ass out of my bar and don’t come back. You make the other guests feel uncomfortable and so help me God if you ask on
e more person for money, you are going to be banned permanently if my prayers get answered. And also, try changing your clothes every once in a while and put a bra on already!!
So why is that people think that it’s acceptable to come and sit at my bar, watch football for hours, run up a $50 or $60 tab and only leave a $2 tip? Do you assholes not realize that this is unacceptable and if you can’t tip appropriately then you need to keep your ass’s at home?! Tipping accordingly to your bill isn’t even appropriate considering you are making it impossible for me to make any money when you don’t move your ass after your done. Either order a drink or move your ass somewhere else. You irritate me and I wish you would never come back to my bar. Stay home and save your piece of shit tip for a bag of chips or a couple of items off the $1 menu!
