Archive for category work

Scary, Drunk Lady

Jan 26

Posted by Walkerton in Facts, My Life, work | No Comments

I have this 50+ year old lady that comes into my bar looking for the quickest way to get drunk before her shift. She is a mess. She has her bouffant all ratted up and intact as a result of her using half a can of Aqua Net a day, her frosted lipstick and make-up goop in the corner of her eyes. She could be mistaken for a trashier version of Cruella Deville. I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I see her. You can tell she’s been a server her whole life and never had any ambition to do anything else. I’ve never seen this woman sober and doubt that she ever has been. She’s old and wrinkled and reeks of a wet ashtray/nursing home.

The worst part about her is that she’s famous for dropping that line, “Oh I’ll take care of you sweetie.” That is a bartender’s nightmare because you know that means that you’re not getting shit for a tip from them. It’s even funnier to me because they truly think they are hooking you up and it’s not even 10%. If you think that’s good then you are obviously doing something wrong because that sucks a donkey’s crooked ball sack!! I’m going to allow my Habeeb cousin to bitch slap this woman with his D if they ever cross paths!!

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Christmas Fun Times

Dec 26

Posted by Walkerton in work | No Comments

Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas with us last night. All of you drunken hot messes made my night and I enjoyed getting all of you liquored up. I had fun doing endless shots that you bought me and then being tipped even more to do so. You were a fun crowd and hopefully every single one of you will be back on New Year’s Eve!!  The only bad thing about both those nights was that no one acted stupid enough for me to make fun of and write about…LOL!

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Merry Christmas

Dec 25

Posted by Walkerton in My Life, work | No Comments

I just want to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone!! While you are sitting around the tree, opening your gifts, stuffing your face and getting drunk off Soco and eggnog, I will be at work either bored as hell or having my ass handed to me. If any of you would like to join me please do so but we will be having a blast at City with or without you!!

Straight Out the Trailer Park

Dec 21

Posted by Walkerton in People I Come Across, work | No Comments

So 2 ladies came into my work yesterday and each ordered a beer while 1 of them also got a shot of jager. About 45 minutes go by and the lady who did the shot was asking me for either a mint or a piece of gum because she didn’t want to go down to the courthouse smelling like alcohol. When I said, “Why do you have to go down to the courthouse,” she responded with, “I have to go see if my daughter is in jail because she’s not answering the phone.”Why that would mean she was in jail is unclear to me but I knew I needed to know immediately. After prodding at her for more of the 411 I found out that her daughter was being charged with battery for attacking someone. My immediate thought was who did she attack and why. The mom proceeds to tell me that her daughter is 6 months pregnant. OMG and WTF?!@#$?! She is fighting people while she’s brewing a nugget? The mom decides to go over to the courthouse anyways to check on her daughter.

After about 20 minutes go by, I see the mom and her pregnant daughter walking in the bar. My initial thought is this family is the epitome of trash and the prego daughter is probably going to ask me for a drink. Praying she wouldn’t ask I got right into her business and continued with my never ending questions. I asked, “Who did you attack that you had to go to court?” The daughter answered me with, “Well my brother was with some girl and she took his jacket and wouldn’t give it back to him. He called me to come help him out so I pretended I didn’t care when I talked to the girl and tricked her into coming to pick me up. I set her up and then beat her ass. She started talking shit and my momma taught me to never back down from a fight or take shit from anybody!!” I said, “While you were pregnant? Did you get hurt?” She immediately came back with, “I beat that bitch!!” DANGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! I remember when I acted that way……..when I was 15 and thought I was a badass. Her and her mother apparently have no plans on growing up anytime soon as the mother kept chiming in that she loves to fight people too and that her daughter gets it from her.

She continued to talk ghetto as she was getting riled up so I moved the conversation along and asked, “Are you excited about your pregnancy? Is it your first?” What I heard next was SHOCKING!! She came at me with (HAHAHAHAHA….I can barely type this without dying of laughter), “Well at first I wasn’t but now I am. Me and my girlfriend got into a fight and I wanted to make her mad so I decided to sleep with a guy. I’ve known him for a long time but he just told me that he was trying to get me pregnant so he cut a hole in the condom so he could have a kid with me. He admitted to doing this but a couple days ago started saying that it’s not his. That don’t matter because me and my girlfriend are going to raise it and I don’t want him around at all.” The mother adds in, “Yeah and I know his mom so he is going to take care of this baby because we all know each and have for a long time.” Confused and trying to process this information the conversation goes on. The daughter adds, “Yeah me and my girlfriend are back together now though. We’ve been together for 4 years now and I’m so in love with her. We just got a house and we’re bout to get our GED’s in January. We read the book just gotta take the test!!”  The enthusiasm in her voice made it very clear that these were her aspirations and they didn’t go far beyond that.  The mother continued her bitching with, “Yeah and I want to beat her girlfriends ass but I don’t cause of my daughter. She puts her hands on my daughter and pushes her while she’s pregnant and I can’t even touch her…..that bitch.” HOLY HELL….WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD?????

When these people walked into the bar I didn’t know this is what I was going to get, especially at 3pm. Stories like these are what make my job so interesting. It makes me excited to go to work in hopes that I can hear this ridiculousness. That entire family is on my prayer list and I hope that nugget can get as far away as possible before it ends up crazy like the rest of them. My fingers are crossed!! At the same time though I hope they come back soon with some more of their drama for me to laugh at!!

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