Affairs On Blast

May 19

Posted by Walkerton in On the Web, What Are People Thinking?! | No Comments

I’ve never liked watching Tyra Banks talk show but I’m glued to the TV right now. Today’s episode is based on the famous affair website ashleymadison.com. It allows people to be honest about themselves letting people know they are married and may even have kids but are looking to have an affair. The website actually guarantees that you will have an affair or you get your money back. What the hell is wrong with people?! If you’re not happy in your marriage, GET OUT OF IT!!  Why must you drag your loved ones through something so hurtful? You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

It is so sad to see the significant others of these cheaters crying and heartbroken after being told about what their loved ones have been doing. Some of them had an idea that something was going on while others had no clue. If you do nothing else in your relationship, be honest. Communicate with the one you supposedly love because it’s only fair. The one lady ended up getting a divorce after her husband found out that she was a part of this website. She went on to sleep with 150 guys within a 6 month period. Holy whore bag… how is your back wall doing because I know mine would be beat up and sore as hell.  I hope this woman is doing her kegals on a daily basis because I’m not sure how her vagina is tight enough for all those man rods to actually feel good inside of her?! There’s nothing wrong with getting’ yours, but DAMN BITCH… save some men for the rest of us!

I had to post some of the ashleymadison ads because it’s crazy at how common cheating is nowadays and how affairs have become a million dollar industry.

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Bad Jeans, Gross Man Rod

May 18

Posted by Walkerton in On the Web, What Are People Thinking?! | No Comments

What the hell possesses people to wear the things they wear?! I really wish that I was available 24/7 in all parts of the world to keep people like this from walking out of their front door and causing innocent people to be exposed to this insanity. This should be illegal. He looks as if everything is just fine and dandy. Ummmmm, hello? You’re shriveled little boy penis is repulsive and those jeans must be burned immediately and I suggest with you in them. You are a gross man and I actually threw up in my mouth when I saw this. He should be classified at a sex offender and banned from society. This is unacceptable and if I were a cop, he would without a doubt be getting a ticket for indecent exposure and for being a complete reject. After seeing this, I have now joined a therapy group twice a week to talk out my constant nightmares about this man and his chunky, curvy 3 inch man rod. Blauhhhh (that’s me throwing up)

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It’s Miracle Grow

May 17

Posted by Walkerton in On the Web | No Comments

 Now I come across of a lot of funny things and I insist on sharing with other.! Thank God for the times that men just don’t know when to keep their damn mouths shut!!!!!

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.  Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!” 
 
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded. 
 
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.  “What the Hell is this??” he said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out. 
 
“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?” 
 
She replied with a snicker… 
 
“It’s not talcum powder…… 
 
It’s ‘Miracle Grow’.”

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Farmers and Fishers Restaurant in DC sucks!!

May 16

Posted by Walkerton in My Life, People I Come Across, What Are People Thinking?! | No Comments

I just experienced the worst service in a restaurant than I ever have in my entire life. I can’t express how much our server sucked a ball sack!! When we first sat down at the table, it took the guy a good 5 minutes just to come to our table and get a drink order.  Everyone ordered waters except for me who was in dire need of a cosmopolitan…. Go figure?! Now the server warned me that the drink would take a long time to get since apparently there was a high demand for alcohol by every single person in that damn restaurant. When he said that, I agreed because I was thinking 10 minutes tops. Who the hell was I kidding? It was 22 minutes before I got the damn thing. If I knew that the dining experience was only going to go downhill from there, I would have ordered another one ASAP. O wait, I couldn’t do that because our server NEVER came back to our table after taking our order.

We ordered these chocolate covered bacon lollipops that someone else delivered. When I finally got my drink, someone else had delivered it. When our entrees arrived, someone else delivered those as well. Now I have no problem with someone else delivering my shit because I’ve only worked in the restaurant/bar business and know that when something is up and ready to go to a table, the first person available takes it, but we NEVER saw our server again!!! He NEVER checked to see if we liked our appetizer, he NEVER checked to see if I got my drink, he NEVER got us any refills, he NEVER checked on us to see if our meals were OK….NOTHING!!!!! Did I express yet how much he sucked?

Now we could see our server and understood that he had other tables, bu tlet me repeat, he NEVER acknowledged us after taking our order. He was checking on his other tables, pre-bussing them, getting them refills and more drinks from the bar, even the table he had right next to ours but I followed his eyes every move he made and NOT ONCE did he look our way. He was the absolute worst server ever!!!

I finally flagged a manager over and asked if he could get us a box and our check as I proceeded to tell him that our server hasn’t been to our table in over a half hour but the only response I got was, “Oh, ok. I’ll get that for you.” Ummmmm, hello fucker?! As a manager you’d think he’d be at the very least apologetic if not offer a free dessert but we got no reaction out of this guy after our complaints. He acted as if I said nothing, boxed the food, got the check, ran the credit card, dropped it off and walked away. We didn’t get a” Thank you for coming,” “Sorry for the bad service”, a “Kiss my ass,” NOTHING! After my boyfriend’s mom cashed out and wrote something on the credit card slip about what happened, the server THEN decides to come to our table and say, “I’m sorry I got really busy there.” Irrate as all hell, I turned to this freckled, bald headedMr. Clean looking mother fucker and said, “THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR HELP!!” I then stood up and walked out. I have no tolerance for bad service let alone rudeness from a server…. Especially when I do the same shit for a living.

What I found out 5 minutes later when my boyfriend and his parents decided tofinally walk out, the server snatched the credit card book out of my boyfriend’s mom’s hands and walked away. He’s lucky I wasn’t in there to see that happen because I would have caused a scene that probably would have ended really badly.  How dare he have the audacity to think he has the right to be upset with my statement when he ruined our entire dining experience.  All I’m gonna say is that he’s lucky I’m just visiting or my inner Detroit would have came out and whooped dat’ ass!

FYI, the restaurant was Farmers and Fishers, located at 3000 K St NW # 101, Washington, DC 20007. Don’t ever go here!! They suck!!!!

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The World In 7 Photos

May 7

Posted by Walkerton in On the Web | No Comments


Only in China 



Only in Hawaii


Only in India


Only in Mexico




Only in Texas





Only In Thailand


And last, but not least

Only In America


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I Miss My Grams

May 4

Posted by Walkerton in My Life | No Comments

I’ve been really busy these past couple of months on top of dealing with the loss of my Grams. Granted I’ve been down in Florida and she was up in Michigan, but not a day went by that I wasn’t worried and stressed out at the thought of the pain and suffering she was going through. She was always on my mind.

My Grams is indescribable as there are not enough words to showcase her incredibleness. No matter who she encountered she welcomed them with open arms and always left a lasting impression. She was always comforting and could put anyone at ease; even in the worst circumstances. With a simple back rub and her gentle hands tickling your arm, every problem seemed to subside. She was the grandma everyone wanted but only 12 of us were lucky enough to call her Grandma, Grams, Granny, or Nana. She tried her hardest to be a comedic genius but only succeeded about 50% of the time; one of my favorite things about her. She was always concerned with us being polite and using our manners and even when we didn’t want to, she still made us. Thanks Grams :) She was a clean freak, a quality I LOVE that I got from her. She had a scary mascara face that used to terrify Cara and I when we were little nuggets but makes us laugh to this day every time we think about it. She was a beautiful writer. She had a purse that weighed about 50 lbs. She was a horrible cook but still made sure that all the goodies and baked goods were stocked and are bellies were always full. She was a shopaholic who was constantly returning what she bought the next day because she would change her mind. She was a dog lover. She was a horrible driver. She had more baby pictures in her wallet than I had people in my senior class. She could get a stain out of any type of clothing and could get her whites whiter than anyone. She was easy to talk to even though she would act shocked at what came out of your mouth. She had a horrible voice but I still liked it when she sang. She was the best grams and I miss her.

My Papa and Grams have been in my every prayer and now those prayers go out to my Papa. My grandparents had been together for 52 years, never left each other’s side and now my poor Papa is without the only woman he ever loved, my wonderful and amazing Grams. I can only imagine the emptiness he now feels. It kills me to think of the moments he will face when no one is there by his side, even if it’s only for 10 minutes. It breaks my heart to think that when he goes to sleep, he’s reaching out for my Grams because he forgets she is not there anymore. It breaks my heart to think that when he goes to get his morning coffee, he will still get 2 by mistake instead of just 1. It breaks my heart to think that he will sit on the porch during the beautiful spring and summer months, see something that fills him with joy and when he turns to share that joy with my Grams, she’s not going to be there. I know my Papa will go on because he is the heart and soul of the family but it breaks my heart that he is probably slowly dying of a broken heart and it won’t be long before we lose him too.

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Heidi Montag-Better Before or After???

Feb 28

Posted by Cumberbun in Celebs, In the News | No Comments

So I am pretty sure that the entire world is fully aware of the fact that Heidi Montag (from The Hills) has publicly gotten a nose job & breast implants a few years ago. I am all for people bettering themselves. If you hate your ears….fix them, if you are self-conscious of your flat chest…..get implants, if you think your thighs are fat….get some lipo, if you hate your nose….thin it out. Whatever you feel you need to do to make you happier with yourself, I say do it. But what is so sad and heartbreaking to me is when someone hates their appearance so much that they completely change themselves from head to toe and get ridiculous surgeries that only people with birth defects get. To me….that has to do with a hell of a lot more than what you look like. Maybe it’s time to get some counseling and figure out why you are so unhappy with yourself.

Anyways, this leads me to my story about Heidi. She is on this weeks cover of People and according to her, she is addicted to plastic surgery and had an additional 10 procedures in just 1 day. Now you may want to sit down for this, she had…1. a mini brow lift, 2. botox in her forehead & frown area, 3. nose job revision, 4. fat injections in cheeks, nasolabial folds and lips, 5. chin reduction, 6. neck liposuction, 7. ears pinned back, 8. breat augmentation revision, 9. liposuction on waist, hips and inner and outer thighs, and last…but not least, 10. buttock augmentation!!!!!!!! OMG….I need to take a deep breath and seriously, take this all in. Don’t get me wrong, she is beautiful….but she was before as well….so was this all necessary? And honestly, she looks like she had all those things done to her face now. She also looks older to me. I don’t think she looks bad at all, just extremely different….especially compared to her pre everything. I wonder if this will truly make her happy or just keep her content for a little while. I just pray that she does not over do it to the point she looks like that cat/lion woman.

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People Who Say ‘Lover’

Feb 27

Posted by Cumberbun in People I Come Across, What Are People Thinking?! | No Comments

So some people are married, some people date, some people are engaged, some people are booty calls or late night tips. Whatever it is that you are to that person, great! I’m happy for you. I don’t judge or care. Do what you want to do. But one thing that is completely obnoxious & disgusting to 99.9999% of society…. is when someone refers to their significant other as their “Lover”! It is the most repulsive, ridiculous and cornball term that has ever been invented. It sends chills up my spine and I’m not gonna lie, it makes me want to set you on fire. Honestly, I don’t even understand why people say it in the first place. Do you think it makes you sound more romantic? or maybe that you are more in love than people who are normal and don’t say that? Whatever it is, you need to stop. It is not cute!!! People don’t envy your love life or want to be like you. People are grossed out, sick to their stomach, probably don’t hang out with you as much because of it and may even end their friendship with you or disown you as a family member. You sound so stupid, that you should be embarassed for yourself!!!

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Haiti

Jan 30

Posted by Cumberbun in In the News | No Comments

Relief coming form across the globe….So once again, we are sending a massive relief effort somewhere other than our own countryyyyy!!! …the US military, every branch of the service plus the Coast Gurad are all on route to Haiti, airforce planes out of FL, 2,000 marines out of Camp Lajune, the Army’s 82nd airbourne with heavy equipment, water, food,medicine, supplies, doctors, nurses, paramedics, and rescue missions. The top priority right now for his national security team is Haiti, from Obama’s mouth, www.state.gov to find out about Haitians. One of the largest relief efforts EVER in our recent history is on it’s way to Haiti right now. $100 million allocated immediately, what has happened will cost muchhhhh more than that….and presumably more money will be coming. Massive amounts of aide will be required. Estimated that it could be a possible half million dead.

Now they are discussing, that we bring over 1 million Haitiansssss to Detroit and take care of them here instead of there because it’s easier and we have “empty buildings just sitting there”!!! We can’t fucking take care of the city or the people that live there now, but somehow we can bring over an additional million non-Americans to our country (that will never leave once they are here). Also, we have Katrina victims still homeless. jobless…but oh well who cares.

CHARITY STARTS AT HOME!!!

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My New Fave Video

Jan 28

Posted by Walkerton in On the Web | 1 Comment

 

Is the concept that difficult for them?!

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Scary, Drunk Lady

Jan 26

Posted by Walkerton in Facts, My Life, work | No Comments

I have this 50+ year old lady that comes into my bar looking for the quickest way to get drunk before her shift. She is a mess. She has her bouffant all ratted up and intact as a result of her using half a can of Aqua Net a day, her frosted lipstick and make-up goop in the corner of her eyes. She could be mistaken for a trashier version of Cruella Deville. I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I see her. You can tell she’s been a server her whole life and never had any ambition to do anything else. I’ve never seen this woman sober and doubt that she ever has been. She’s old and wrinkled and reeks of a wet ashtray/nursing home.

The worst part about her is that she’s famous for dropping that line, “Oh I’ll take care of you sweetie.” That is a bartender’s nightmare because you know that means that you’re not getting shit for a tip from them. It’s even funnier to me because they truly think they are hooking you up and it’s not even 10%. If you think that’s good then you are obviously doing something wrong because that sucks a donkey’s crooked ball sack!! I’m going to allow my Habeeb cousin to bitch slap this woman with his D if they ever cross paths!!

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My Cousin’s BAD Mouth

Jan 25

Posted by Walkerton in Cousin Love, Facts | 6 Comments

My cousin has turned into this psychotic, enraged potty-mouth lunatic over the past month and and a half. I haven’t been able to have one single conversation with her where she was dropping the F-bomb at least 3 times in every sentence. And it’s not like she is casually using the F word….she has been using phrases like, “SHUT YO’ MOTHA’ F’ING MOUTH BIOTCH!” and “YEAH MOTHA’ FUCKA’!” It’s as if she becomes fluent in Ebonics and forgets how to talk like a normal, educated and civilized human being. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no angel either with my mouth but mine tends to get better over the years where as hers seems to be having a reverse effect.  I’ve tried counseling her through this to see where the source of this horrible language is coming from but there doesn’t seem to be one. It’s just the gangsta side coming out from within the depths of her soul. Maybe this is her true side and we are all going to have to learn to accept her…. bad mouth and all.

Cousin….I think I found your perfect match!! I can only imagine the great conversations the 2 of you could have! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What Is Wrong Here?!

Jan 16

Posted by Walkerton in What Are People Thinking?! | 3 Comments

 

There is something officially wrong when one of your bestie’s Facebook page looks like this. An intervention is about due…I just need to think of how to approach this situation!!! I’ve been praying for you though my dear friend.

Amy  Get a life!!! There is more to it than Farmville and Cafe World!! If you’re that bored come play with me!!!

Michael just earned the ‘Tree Hugger’ yellow ribbon in FarmVille!
Michael got a big ol’ reward for being such a great farmer and wants to share their success with you!

Michael could really use some help fertilizing their crops in FarmVille!
Michael noticed their crops are a bit on the puny side because they haven’t been fertilized yet…

Michael just earned the ‘Noah’s Ark’ blue ribbon in FarmVille!
Michael got a big ol’ reward for being such a great farmer and wants to share their success with you!

Michael just received a baby Scottish Highland Sheep from the Wildlife Care Network. He is separated from his family and is lost. The baby Scottish Highland Sheep is scared and lonely and needs someone to adopt him.

Amy

 

I answered ”He should…..Asians are good at that kinda thing, hahaha! Love you boo!”
He does enjoy a good foot long :)
9 hours ago
 wow.. just got the most messed up backhanded compliment ever.. “I think you’re attractive, just not dating material. Fun? yeah” WTF?!
I love these self righteous fools who think they are gods gift to the world.. Check your ego at the front door haha
16 hours ago

Michael wants to send a big ‘THANK YOU!’ to their generous friends in FarmVille!
Michael came to their farm only to discover that Bonnie Patricia Dail Levoy null stopped by to ferti…lize their crops and feed their chickens in FarmVille!

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Michael is moving up in Zoo and wants to celebrate with you! Michael is sharing a Zoo Bonus with friends!

Michael received an injured Blue-billed Firefinch from the Wildlife Care Network. This poor Blue-billed Firefinch was caught in an oil spill and his feathers are clumped with oil. He is cold and depressed and needs someone to take care of him.

Michael could really use some help fertilizing their crops in FarmVille!
Michael noticed their crops are a bit on the puny side because they haven’t been fertilized yet…

Michael found a Lonely Bull on their farm. Oh no!
Michael was farming when a Lonely Bull wandered onto their farm in FarmVille. He escaped from the ro…deo and is tired of all the bucking, jumping and kicking. He’s just looking for a simpler life and could use some friends and a new home.

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Michael just earned the ‘Noah’s Ark’ red ribbon in FarmVille!
Michael got a big ol’ reward for being such a great farmer and wants to share their success with you!

Michael is playing with his zoo, valued at $2,295,800!

Michael just cooked up a bit too much French Onion Soup in Cafe World!
Michael is serving French Onion Soup as the Chef’s Special at Cafe Awesome!, but customers seem to hate onions today! It would be a shame for it to go to waste, so he’s giving away 100 each to their friends!

 

Michael wants to send a big ‘THANK YOU!’ to their generous friends in FarmVille!
Michael came to their farm only to discover that Michele Marie Cullari stopped by to fertilize their crops in FarmVille!

 

Michael just received a Mom and Baby Ruffed Lemur from the Wildlife Care Network. They were rescued from Poachers but the mother had to be released back into the wild to survive. The baby Ruffed Lemur is scared and lonely and needs someone to adopt her.
 Lame, I know, but my best purchase today.. Love me some burt’s

 

 

Michael just found some Treasured Golden Mystery Eggs and wants to say thank you!
Michael just harvested their chicken coop and found some Treasured Golden Mystery Eggs, and wants to thank their friends for feeding the chickens!

Adopt a White Peacock!
The rare and elusive White Peacock has appeared on Michael’s island.
White Peacocks only appear for a short while. These birds make great pets, but they vanish quickly.

Michael could really use some help fertilizing their crops in FarmVille!
Michael noticed their crops are a bit on the puny side because they haven’t been fertilized yet…
Michael  went out to lunch today with Amy and I didn;t haev a drink.. I would call that growth!

Michael is such a thoughtful farmer and just fertilized Kristi’s farm in FarmVille!
Michael just visited and fertilized Kristi’s farm out of the goodness of their heart in FarmVille! T…hey did such a wonderful deed and would be delighted if a few kind neighbors showed them the same attention!

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Michael just earned the ‘Foremost Fruit Farmer’ yellow ribbon in FarmVille!
Michael got a big ol’ reward for being such a great farmer and wants to share their success with you!

Michael just earned the ‘Animal Shelter’ white ribbon in FarmVille!
Michael got a big ol’ reward for being such a great farmer and wants to share their success with you!

 

Upgraded Island in Island Paradise
Michael has upgraded their island to Little Reef (level 3) in Island Paradise!
In Island Paradise, you can grow exotic fruits, keep pets and build your own secluded island hideaway.

Michael is movin’ on up in FarmVille!
Michael attained the level of Sophisticated Farmer in FarmVille!

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Livestock & Harvest & Crops! Oh My!

Jan 15

Posted by Cumberbun in On the Web | 2 Comments

Seriously…. if I get one more Farmville, Zoo World, Fish Land, Meerkat Town, KillYourselfImmediately City request on Facebook… I am going to roundhouse kick the first person I see, right square in the face. If I didn’t accept your first 45 requests to join, what makes you think that 2 months later I am dying to have my own farm and have completely changed my mind about this agriculturally hip lifestyle? First off, all of my friends are over the age of 11, so I am dumbfounded as to how they find this “Facebook application” soooooo damn fun & cool, let alone want to play it at all! Sadly, I have a few friends who have been sucked into this madness and honestly, I think they have no clue how to get out. It is like a drug to them! Black tar heroin or crystal meth! They talk about it as if, they gave birth to these dumb ass hogs and cows that roam “their land”, they have to use of half their lunch break to harvest their crops & rotate their soil and worst of all, they turn into Ace Ventura- Farm Detectives and spy on each other’s farms to see who is doing better, so that they can earn more points and outdo that person as soon as possible. I truly think it’s time we stage an intervention for these poor, little country bumpkins. I am calling A&E tomorrow morning and asking if Candy Finnigan can please take a few hours out of her day to help me, before my friends are gone for good. This is a sick & twisted addiction and at least, for the sake of these peoples friends and family members, make it stop! I can’t hear one more story about someone’s herd of livestock, crops or harvest. If I wanted a farm I would buy myself a pair of overalls, trade my car in for a tractor, start dipping in some Copenhagen and crop dust all over town!!! LOL!

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Stinky People

Jan 12

Posted by Cumberbun in People I Come Across, What Are People Thinking?! | 1 Comment

So one thing I cannot handle and find completely unacceptable in life, is STANK. There is no reason that people should smell bad. If there is a peculiar scent of Vidalia onions, rotting moose carcass, curdled milk, a decaying piece of meat that has been smoldering in the hot sun all day, poop, a seafood buffet, garlic bologna, a petting zoo in mid August or a rancid pile of beef wellington vomit coming from any inch or crevice of your body……then take a DAMNNNN SHOWERRRRRRR! And if you don’t…..I may throw hot acid on you to kill the stench. There is no way you cannot smell yourself, so do you enjoy funk????? Are you too lazy to shower???? Do you wash your clothes in dog shit???? Do you put your butt juice in a jar and squirt it on yourself??? What’s the problem????? I had to get that off my chest because it makes me CRAZYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! If you do not have a medical condition that somehow causes a body odor and you live in a facility with a shower….than TAKE ONE!!!!! My God, if not for yourself (you sick freak) then for society. For common courtesy to mankind!!! Or I might beat the shit out of you…………..

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